Amazing. This is amazing.
Listen to this: The entire work force of the state of Virginia...
...had to have solitaire removed from their computers...
...because they hadn't done any work in six weeks.
That's so sad.
Do you know what this is?
The end of Western civilization as we know it.
Aren't you late?
Technology. Name me one thing that we've gained from technology.
Electricity.
That's one. You think this machine's your friend, but it's not.
I'm out of here.
See you tonight!
Sushi!
Bye!
Welcome.
You've got mail.
"Brinkley is my dog. He loves New York streets as much as I do."
Although he likes to eat bits ofpizza and bagel off the sidewalk...
...and I prefer to buy them.
Brinkley is a great catcher who was offered a tryout on the Mets.
But he chose to stay with me so he could spend 18 hours a day...
...sleeping on a large green pillow the size of an inner tube.
Don't you love New York in the fall?
Makes me want to buy school supplies.
I'm almost ready.
I would send you a bouquet of newly sharpened pencils...
...if I knew your name and address.
On the other hand, this not knowing has its charms.
Did you push it?
Yes, I pushed it.
I'm so late.
Random House fired Dick Atkins. Good riddance.
Murray Chilton died, which makes one less person I'm not speaking to.
Hurry! Hurry! Hurry!
Vince got a great review. He'll be insufferable.
Tonight, PEN dinner.
Am I going?
Joe Fox, you promised.
It's black-tie.
Can't I just give money instead?
What is it this week? Free Albanian writers?
I'm in favor of that.
Okay, I'll go.
I'll go. You're late.
I know. I know.
Who's a happy dog?
Welcome.
You've got mail.
All right. Okay. Get down, get down.
Dear friend, I like to start my notes to you...
...as if we're already in the middle of a conversation.
I pretend that we're the oldest and dearest friends...
...as opposed to what we actually are:
People who don't know each other's names...
...and met in a chat room where we both claimed we'd never been before.
"What will NY152 say today?" I wonder.
I turn on my computer.
I wait impatiently as it connects.
I go online...
...and my breath catches in my chest until I hear 3 little words:
"You've got mail. "
I hear nothing, not even a sound on the streets of New York.
Just the beat of my own heart.
I have mail...
...from you.
The electrical contractor called. His truck hit a deer last night.
So he won't be here till tomorrow.
And upstairs the shelves are late...
...because the pine we ordered has beetles.
Very good.
And we got a $50,000 ticket for workers peeing off the roof.
Great.
That is great.
Is the electrician here today?
I just told you he hit a deer. I knew you weren't listening to me.
You're right.
I wasn't.
I hear nothing. Nothing.
Not a sound on the city streets, just the beat of my own heart.
I think that's how it goes. Something like that.
You and Patricia got engaged.
You can tell me.
Engaged?
Are you crazy?
I thought you liked Patricia.
I do. I do.
I love Patricia. I love Patricia.
Patricia is amazing. Patricia makes coffee nervous.
We should announce ourselves to the neighborhood. "Here we come."
I don't know, this is the Upper West Side.
We might as well tell them we're opening a crack house.
They're going to hate us.
Soon as they hear, they'll be lining up...
...to picket the big bad chain store.
That's out to destroy--
Everything they hold dear.
We're going to seduce them with our square footage...
...and our discounts, and our deep armchairs...
...and our cappuccino.
That's right. They're going to hate us at the beginning...
...but we'll get them in the end.
And you know why?
Why?
Because we'll sell them cheap books and legal addictive stimulants.
In the meantime, we'll just put up a big sign:
"Coming soon, a Fox Books Superstore. The End of Civilization...
...As You Know lt!"
Good morning, Christina.
Good morning, kathleen.
It's a beautiful day. Isn't it just the most beautiful day?
I guess. Yeah, sure.
Idiot, what are you doing?
Where you going? I got the green light!
Don't you just love New York in the fall?
Perfect.
Can't beat that.
Scotch tape? What is going on with you?
Nothing.
You're in love.
In love? No.
Yes. That's right. I'm in love with Frank.
I'm practically living with Frank.
Could you get our Christmas mailers out this week?
Yeah, by Monday. I promise.
I have this paper due Friday.
What is going on?
Nothing. Nothing at all.
You know, I am just going to stand here until you tell me.
All right.
Is it infidelity if you're involved with someone on e-mail?
Have you had sex?
No, of course not. I don't even know him.
I mean cybersex.
Don't do it. The minute you do, they lose all respect for you.
It's not like that.
We just e-mail. It's really nothing.
On top of which, I'm thinking of stopping, because it's getting...
Out of hand?
Confusing.
But not.
Because it's nothing.
Where'd you meet him?
Listen, I can't even remember.
On my birthday, I wandered into the "over 30" room...
...for a joke, sort of.
And he was there. And we started chatting.
About what?
Books and music, how much we both love New York...
Harmless, harmless.
Meaningless.
Bouquets of sharpened pencils.
Excuse me?
Forget it.
We don't talk about anything personal, so I don't know his name...
...or what he does or where he lives exactly...
...so it'll be easy for me to stop seeing him, because I'm not.
God. He could be the next person to walk into the store.
I know.
He could be...
...George.
Morning.
Are you online?
As far as I'm concerned...
...the lnternet is just another way of being rejected by a woman.
Good morning, Birdie.
What are you girls talking about?
Cybersex.
I tried to have cybersex once, but I kept getting a busy signal.
I know.
I know. I was really depressed one Saturday night about 9:00--
Time to open up.
Jessica and Maya, how are you today?
- Want to say hi to kathleen? - Hi, kathleen.
May I help you?
Construction's going well. We should open on time.
Although kevin and I are both a little concerned...
...about the neighborhood response.
This fabric on the couch, what is it? Does it have a name?
Money.
Its name is money.
Gillian selected it.
Good guess.
Your father's getting married again.
Really?
- Congratulations. - Thank you.
- Why? - Who knows?
- Love? - Possible.
I think you're a damn fool.
Pops, Matthew is four years old, okay?
It'd be nice for him if he knew his parents were married.
Listen, I have a sad announcement to make.
City Books...
...on 23rd Street?
It's going under.
Another independent bites the dust.
On to the next!
Going to buy out their entire inventory of architecture...
...and New York history for the new store.
How much, son? How much you paying?
Whatever it costs, it won't be as much...
...as that exquisitely uncomfortable mohair episode there.
Which is now all over my suit.
Here you go.
We're also going to have a section...
...dedicated just to writers who've lived on the West Side.
As a shot to the neighborhood.
Perfect. keep those West Side liberalnuts, pseudo-intellectual--
Readers, Dad. They're called readers.
Don't romanticize them. It'll keep them...
...from jumping down your throat.
What's the competition?
One mystery store, Sleuth, at 78th and Amsterdam...
...and a children's bookstore, Shop Around The Corner.
Been there forever.
Cecilia's store.
Who's that?
Cecilia kelly.
Lovely woman. I think we might have had a date once.
Or maybe we just exchanged letters.
You wrote her letters?
Mail. It was called mail.
Stamps, envelopes--
You know, I've heard of it.
Cecilia had beautiful penmanship.
She was too young for me...
...but she was...
...enchanting.
Enchanting?
Her daughter owns it now.
Too bad for her.
Excuse me, Mr. Fox.
My father is getting married again.
For 5 years, he's been living with a woman named Gillian...
...who studied decorating at Caesar's Palace.
Is it porcelain?
Rubber.
Once I read a story about a butterfly in the subway, and today...
...l saw one.
It got on at 42nd...
...and off at 59th...
...where I assume it went to Bloomingdale's...
...to buy a hat that will turn out to be a mistake.
As almost all hats are.
Listen to this:
Every night a truck pulls up to my neighborhood bagel place...
...and pumps about a ton of flour into underground tanks.
Then the air is filled...
...with white dust which never seems to land.
Why is that?
Confession: I have read Pride and Prejudice about 200 times.
I get lost in the language. Words like...
... "thither. "
"Mischance. "
"Felicity. "
I'm always in agony over whether Elizabeth and Mr. Darcy...
...are really going to get together.
Read it.
I know you'll love it.
The whole purpose ofplaces like Starbucks...
...is for people with no decision-making ability whatsoever...
...to make six decisions just to buy one cup of coffee.
Short, tall, lite, dark...
...caf, decaf...
...low-fat, nonfat...
...et cetera.
Mocha frappuccino grande.
So people who don't know what the hell they're doing...
...or who on earth they are can, for only $2.95...
...get notjust a cup of coffee...
...but an absolutely defining sense of self.
Tall.
Decaf.
Cappuccino.
Tall decaf cappuccino.
Bummer.
A Fox Books Superstore.
Quel nightmare.
It has nothing to do with us. It's big...
...impersonal...
...overstocked and full of ignorant salespeople.
But they discount.
But they don't provide any service.
We do.
So really...
...it's a good development.
You know how in the flower district there are all those flower shops...
...so you can find whatever you want?
Well...
...this is going to be the book district.
If they don't have it, we do.
And vice versa.
Absolutely.
When you are finished with Fox Books...
...The Shop Around The Corner is going to be responsible...
...for reversing the entire course of the lndustrial Revolution.
Well, now, that is so sweet.
Thank you. That is so sweet.
Although l--
What?
Wait a minute. What is that doing here?
Oh, my gosh...
...this is amazing.
Listen.
The Olympia Report Deluxe Electric.
Report.
As in gunshot.
- That sound is familiar. - Listen to this.
What, that whirring?
The gentle, soothing lullaby...
...of a piece of machinery so perfect--
I know where I've heard that before.
I needed a backup.
Don't you have another one of these at your apartment?
- I might! - That you wrote a column about?
Who cares?
What were you going to say?
- When? - Before.
Nothing.
Come on.
I'm just wondering. I'm wondering about my work.
I mean, what is it that I do, exactly?
All I really do is--
All you really do...
...is this incredibly noble thing.
I don't know.
Really, I'm just--
You are a lone reed.
You are a lone...
...reed...
...standing...
...tall...
...waving boldly...
...in the corrupt sands...
...of commerce.
I am a lone reed.
Sometimes I wonder about my life.
I lead a small life.
Well, valuable, but small.
And sometimes I wonder...
...do I do it because I like it?
Or because I haven't been brave?
So much of what I see reminds me of something I read in a book...
...when, shouldn't it be the other way around?
I don't really want an answer.
Ijust want to send this cosmic question out into the void.
So...
...good night, dear void.
I know you!
I know you.
Hello, Annabel, little girl.
How are you?
And you.
Matthew, how are you?
Good.
Ready to say hello to New Jersey?
Hello, New Jersey!
Don't I get a "hello"?
Hello, Gillian.
kiss me. I'm going to be your wicked stepmother.
There you go.
Hello. And who is this?
Nanny Maureen. I brought her in case you couldn't handle the kids.
Maureen's getting a divorce.
I'm sorry to hear that.
It's my own fault.
Never marry a man who lies.
That is so wise. Yes. Annabel, remember that.
She taught Matt how to spell his name.
Really?
- Let's hear it. - F-O-X.
Excellent.
Excellent. I've got this covered. You can have the day off.
And you must be late for something. Volunteering, rolling bandages...
...for Bosnian refugees.
I am. I'm having my eggs harvested.
And getting those eggs harvested. Don't worry about a thing.
See you later.
Bye, Mom.
All right, you guys, are you ready to go out on the boat?
What happened to you? What happened?
Come on. You stink. One more time.
Here, you can do that one.
What do we win?
Look, look, look!
- How are the fish? - They're very well. Very happy.
Are they?
You guys want to go to a movie?
There's nothing good playing.
Look, the storybook lady.
Are we at the right time? Yeah, let's go.
"That it was I and I alone...
...who had the idea for the great and daring mouse plot.
We all have our moments of brilliance and glory...
...and this was mine.
'Why don't we,' I said...
...'slip it into one of Mrs. Pratchett's jars of sweets?
And then...
...when she puts her dirty hand in to grab a handful...
...she will grab a stinky, dead mouse instead.'
The other four stared at me in wonder.
Then, as the sheer genius of the plot began to sink in...
...they all started grinning.
They slapped me on the back. They cheered me.
They danced around the classroom.
'We will do it today!' they cried.
'We'll do it on the way home. You had the idea,' they said to me.
'So you can be the one who puts the mouse in the jar.' "
Who belongs to this fish?
That's mine.
Could you give me a hand with these used books?
And this is her best friend Tacy...
...whose real name is Anastasia.
And the next book, Betsy and Tacy become friends with Tib...
...whose real name, I am sorry to tell you, is Thelma.
The illustrations are hand-tipped.
And that's why it costs so much?
No, that's why it's worth so much.
I want all of them.
I'll think about it.
That's a lot for your dad to buy at one time.
My dad gets me all the books I want.
That's very nice of him.
That's not my dad. That's my nephew.
I don't really think that he could be your nephew.
It's true.
Annabel is my aunt. Isn't that right, Aunt Annabel?
And Matt is his--
Wait, wait, let me guess.
Are you his uncle?
No.
His grandfather?
His great-grandfather?
I'm his brother.
Matt is my father's son.
Annabel is my grandfather's daughter.
We are...
...an American family.
Here you go, young lady.
What's that?
That's a handkerchief.
Do children not even know what handkerchiefs are?
A handkerchief is a kleenex you don't throw away. You see?
My mother embroidered this for me.
My initials and a daisy, because daisies are my favorite flower.
May I ask who you are?
kathleen kelly. I own this store.
And you are?
Joe. Just call me Joe.
We'll take these books.
You're going to come back, aren't you?
Of course.
See?
That is why we won't go under.
Our customers are loyal.
They're opening a Fox Books around the corner.
Fox Books!
- My daddy-- - Likes to buy discount.
Don't tell anybody. It's nothing to be proud of.
F- O-X.
That's amazing. You can spell fox.
Can you spell dog?
F- O-X.
Look at this dinosaur book. It's a pop-up dinosaur book.
Wouldn't you like to have a dinosaur book like that?
Wouldn't you like to read that?
Sit here and read Matt the book until I take care of things.
Whatever you do, just don't listen to anything I say. Thank you.
We'll take that pop-up book as well. The dinosaur one.
The world is not driven by discounts, believe me.
I have been in business forever.
I started helping my mother after school here when I was six...
...and I used to watch her.
It wasn't that she was just selling books. It was that she was...
...helping people become whoever they were going to turn out to be.
When you read a book as a child, it becomes part of your identity...
...in a way that no other reading in your whole life does.
And I have gotten carried away.
Yeah, you have.
You've made me feel...
Enchanting. Your mother was enchanting.
Yes, she was.
How will you pay for this?
Cash.
How did you know that?
From the photograph.
That you in the photograph? What are you doing?
Twirling.
My mother and I used to twirl.
Anyway, she left the store to me, and I'll leave it to my daughter.
- $73, please. - How much?
$73.
How old is your daughter now?
I don't have a daughter.
I'm not married.
But eventually...
So the big bad Fox Books can just go to hell.
Here you go.
Thank you. We're ready?
This is nice.
Goodbye, Annabel. Goodbye, Matt.
Matt, you know what? I have to ask you another thing.
Can you spell cat?
F- O-X.
Cat. Thanks.
Good thing it wasn't the fish.
Take care!
No protests. No demonstrations.
The neighborhood loves us.
They're wondering where we've been all these years.
Wondering how they did without us.
It's a hit!
How's the children's department?
It's early yet. School's not out.
And there is that children's store nearby. Shop Around The Corner.
Cecilia's store. Cecilia kelly.
I think we might have had a date once.
Her daughter owns it now.
We'll crush it!
She was enchanting.
They've been open 6 days. And we did...
...$ 1200 less than the same week...
...last year.
That could be a fluke, right?
Or not.
Listen, their store is new. It's a novelty.
It'll all shake out. Meanwhile, I'm putting up more twinkle lights.
That's a fine idea.
What if we have to fold?
I'm never going to find another part-time job.
Then I won't be able to pay my rent, and I'll have to move.
To Brooklyn.
The joy of rent control. Six rooms...
...$450 a month.
We know. You've told us a million times.
I can't believe you're bringing this up at a time like this.
It's like those people who brag because they're tall.
Guys, we are not going to fold.
This place is a tomb.
I'm going to the nut shop, where's it's fun.
Miranda!
kathleen, are you surviving?
We're excited about your new book. When should we schedule a signing?
It's being published in January.
Will you be in business in January?
I'm so worried.
We're doing great.
Aren't we?
No difference whatsoever!
Great.
Thank God.
You can count on me for anything.
Support. Rallies. Picket lines.
We can get the Times to write something.
Or that nut from the Observer.
What nut in the Observer?
Frank something-or-other.
The one who's so in love with his typewriter.
This is just the sort of thing that would outrage him.
A nut? She called me a nut?
That's not the point. She thinks my store is in trouble.
Why would she say that? There's enough business for us all.
Yes, there is. No question.
We are fine.
You're more than fine. You're absolutely fine.
We are fine.
How are you?
Fine.
Come in. Vince will be so happy to see you.
Congratulations. Guess who I saw on the subway today?
William Spungeon.
I don't know him.
This is amazing. He said:
"You should go to a retreat.
You really should go to a retreat."
Honey, will you get me another drink? I'm out.
"Because it's a really great place...
...to calm down."
He said that to me. Isn't that hilarious?
Champagne, please.
Stoli on the rocks. But a fresh glass, please.
White wine, please.
Here you go.
Remember me from the bookstore?
Of course I remember you.
How's your aunt?
She's great. Thanks.
I'd better go deliver this.
I have a very thirsty date. She's part camel.
Joe, right? Joe, isn't it?
And you are kathleen.
kathleen kelly.
Two white wine, please.
I cannot believe that you were speaking to Joe Fox.
Joe Fox?
As in--
As in, he's going to take over everything.
Fox? Your last name is Fox.
F- O-X.
God...
...l didn't realize--
I didn't know--
Who you were with? I didn't know who you were with.
Excuse me?
It's from The Godfather.
Sorry, it's from The Godfather.
It's when...
...the movie producer realizes that Tom Hagen...
...is an emissary of Vito Corleone.
Just before the horse's head ends up in the bed...
...with all the bloody sheets. Wakes up and it's--
Never mind.
You were spying on me, weren't you?
You probably rented those children.
Why would I spy on you?
Because I am your competition, which you know perfectly well...
...or you wouldn't have put up the sign: "Just around the corner."
The entrance to our store is around the corner.
There's no other way to say it.
It's not the name of our store. It's where it is.
And you do not own...
...the phrase "around the corner."
What is that?
What are you doing?
What is that? What are you doing?
You're taking all the caviar? That caviar is a garnish.
Look...
...the reason I came into your store is because...
...l was spending the day with Annabel and Matt.
I was buying them presents.
I'm the type of guy who buys his way...
...into the hearts of children who are relatives.
There was only one place to find a children's book in the neighborhood.
That will not always be the case.
And it was yours. And it is...
...a charming little bookstore.
You probably sell, what, $350,000 worth of books in a year?
How did you know that?
I'm in the book business.
I am in the book business.
I see.
And we are the Price Club.
Only instead of a ten-gallon vat of olive oil for $3.99...
...that won't even fit under your kitchen cabinet, we sell cheap books.
Me, a spy? Absolutely.
I have in my possession...
...the super-duper, secret printout of the sales figures...
...of a bookstore so inconsequential, yet full of its own virtue...
...that I was compelled to rush over...
...for fear that it will put me out of business.
What? What?
How you doing? Frank Navasky.
Joe Fox.
The inventor of the superstore, of course.
The enemy of the mid-list novel.
The destroyer of City Books.
Tell me something. How do you sleep at night?
I use a wonderful...
...over-the-counter drug.
"Ultra-dorm."
Don't take the whole thing. Just half.
You'll wake up without even the tiniest hangover.
You're Frank Navasky, aren't you?
Your last piece in the Observer...
...about Anthony Powell was brilliant.
Brilliant. Yes.
I'm Patricia Eden.
Eden Books.
This man is the greatest living expert...
...on Julius and Ethel Rosenberg.
You really liked--
This is kathleen kelly.
My piece? I'm sorry. I just-- You know? I'm flattered.
You write these things. You think somebody'll mention them.
The phone doesn't ring for a week and you think:
"I'm a fraud. I'm a failure or something."
You know what fascinated me...
...about Julius and Ethel Rosenberg?
Is how old they looked when they were really just...
...our age.
You know?
I'm so happy to have finally met you.
We'll talk. Have you ever thought about doing a book?
It's crossed my mind, something relevant for today...
...like the Luddite movement in 19th century England. We should talk.
Call me.
Have you ever had a caviar garnish?
I had no idea Frank Navasky...
...was going to be so down-to-earth.
You know, you read his stuff...
...you think he's going to be so obscure and abstruse.
He's always talking about Heidegger...
...and Foucault.
And I have no idea what any of it's about really.
Where you going?
I'm not tired. I'm not.
Do you ever feel you've become the worst version of yourself?
That a Pandora's box...
...of all the secret, hateful parts, your arrogance, your spite...
...your condescension...
...has sprung open?
Someone provokes you, and instead ofjust smiling...
...and moving on, you zing them?
"Hello, it's Mr. Nasty. "
I'm sure you have no idea what I'm talking about.
No, I know what you mean, and I'm completelyjealous.
What happens to me when I'm provoked is I get tongue-tied.
My mind goes...
...blank.
Then I toss and turn all night...
...trying to figure out what I should have said.
What should I have said, for example, to the...
...bottom-dweller...
...who recently belittled my existence?
Nothing.
Nothing. Even now.
Even now...
...days later...
...l can't figure it out.
Wouldn't it be wonderful if I could pass all my zingers to you?
Then I'd never behave badly and you could behave badly all the time.
And we'd both be happy.
On the other hand, I must warn you...
...that when you finally say the thing you mean to say...
...the moment you mean to say it, remorse inevitably follows.
Do you think we should meet?
Meet?
Oh, my God.
$72.27.
This is a cash-only line.
Cash only.
Oh, my God.
I just have a credit card.
I'm sorry. Is that okay?
No, it's not okay.
There's a sign.
I'm sorry. I'm very sorry.
I never do this. But I ask you to make an exception in this one case.
You have no cash?
She has no cash.
No, she has no cash.
Get on another line, lady.
I have a dollar. That's all I have.
I have a dollar. One dollar.
Is there anything you can do?
Do you need some money?
No, I do not need any money.
Thank you very much.
Get in another line.
Rose.
That is a great name. Rose.
This is kathleen.
I'm Joe. And--
And I'm Henry.
Henry, how are you? Happy holidays.
This is a credit card machine.
Happy Thanksgiving.
It's your turn to say "Happy Thanksgiving" back.
Happy Thanksgiving back.
knock, knock.
Who's there?
Orange.
Orange who?
Orange you going to give us a break...
...by zipping this credit card through the credit card machine?
Come on. You can do it.
Zip, zip.
There you go.
Rose?
That is a great name.
So you're fine.
Fine.
Happy Thanksgiving. Henry, happy Thanksgiving.
I'm so sorry. Really, I apologize.
- From the bottom of my heart. - So sign already!
I'd like to get home.
You have my pen.
The sun'll come out tomorrow
Bet your bottom dollar that
Tomorrow there'll be sun
Just thinking about tomorrow
Clears away the cobwebs and the sorrow
Till there's none
When I'm stuck with a day that's gray
And lonely
Ijust stick out my chin and grin
And say:
Oh, the sun'll come out tomorrow
So you got to hang on till tomorrow
Come what may
Tomorrow, tomorrow
I love you, tomorrow
You're always a day
Away
Wonderful.
Thank you.
The violins
Sing withjoyful ring
The violins
Sing withjoyful ring
The clarinet, the clarinet
Goes doodly, doodly, doodly, doodly det
The horn, the horn
It sounds...
The horn sounds so forlorn
I got it.
"It's coming on Christmas. They're cutting down trees. "
Do you know that Joni Mitchell song?
"I wish I had a river I could skate away on. "
Such a sad song. And not really about Christmas at all.
I was thinking about it tonight...
...as I was decorating my Christmas tree.
Unwrapping funky ornaments made of Popsicle sticks...
...and missing my mother so much I almost couldn't breathe.
I always miss my mother at Christmas.
But somehow it is worse this year...
...since I need some advice from her.
I need her to make me cocoa.
And tell me that everything going badly in my life...
...will sort itself out.
What kind of advice do you need? Can I help?
Can you help?
I wish you could help.
I wish...
I had a gut feeling you would be online now.
I can give you advice.
I'm great at advice.
If only you could help.
Is it about love?
Please say no.
No. How cute is that?
My business is in trouble.
Well.
I'm a brilliant businessman.
It's what I do best.
What's your business?
No specifics. Remember?
Well.
Minus specifics, it's hard to help...
...except to say:
"Go to the mattresses."
"Except to say, 'Go to the mattre-- ' "
What?
What does that mean?
It's from The Godfather. It means you have to go to war.
What is it with men and The Godfather?
Hello?
Oh, come on. Hello?
Well...
Well, what can l...
Michael--
The Godfather...
..is the l-Ching.
The Godfather is the sum of all wisdom.
The Godfather is the answer to any question.
What should I pack for my summer vacation?
"Leave the gun. Take the cannoli. "
What day of the week is it?
"Monday, Tuesday, Thursday, Wednesday."
The answer to your question...
...is "Go to the mattresses. "
You're at war. "It's not personal, it's business. "
It's not personal. It's business.
Recite that to yourself...
...every time you feel you're losing your nerve.
I know you worry about being brave.
Don't.
This is your chance.
Fight.
Fight to the death!
It's not personal. It's business. Just fight!
Fight, fight, fight!
I've been thinking.
What?
I've decided to go to the mattresses.
Do you think it would be a gigantic conflict of interest...
...if you wrote something about the store?
Yes.
Yes?
No.
So you'll do it?
Do you know what it is to go to the mattresses?
From The Godfather.
Good morning, Shop Around The Corner.
George speaking, may I help you?
The Channel Two truck just pulled up.
In a second.
Everyone's read the article.
"And so, you do not have to look to any of the usual places...
...where good and evil face off...
...the places Herodotus called 'the happy land...
...of absolutes.'
We have the perfect example here on the West Side...
...where the cold cash cow Fox Books...
...threatens survival of a temple...
...to one of the twentieth century's most profound truths:
You are what you read."
I believe that.
"Save The Shop Around The Corner...
...and you will save your soul."
Frank, that's charming.
You think it's a little over the top?
That was The Village Voice. I told them to come over whenever.
Okay. All right.
"Float like a butterfly. Sting like a bee."
One, two, three, four!
We don't want your superstore!
Five, six, seven, eight!
Go away and close the gate!
One, two, three, four!
"We don't want this superstore."
- Is that what they're saying? - Catchy, yeah.
Well, who wrote that?
Annoying.
Pissing me off, actually.
Do you want the West Side...
...to become one big gigantic strip mall?
Do you want to get off the subway at 72nd and Broadway...
...and not even know you're in New York City?
Can we save The Shop Around The Corner?
We're here...
...in front of The Shop Around The Corner...
...the famous West Side children's bookstore...
...now on the verge of having to close its doors...
...because the big bad wolf, Fox Books...
...has opened only a few hundred feet away...
...wooing customers with its sharp discounts and designer coffee.
They have to have discounts and lattes...
...because most of the people who work there have never read a book.
She's not as nice as she seems on television.
You met her?
Boy, she's a pill.
She probably ain't as fine as she look on TV, either?
No, no. She's beautiful.
But...
...she's a pill.
You don't feel bad...
...about basically sending her ass...
...back to the projects with food stamps?
Broke, single, white lady.
It's not personal.
It's business.
Here's a good-looking guy.
I sell cheap books. I do. So sue me.
And that, in a nutshell...
...is the Fox Books philosophy.
That's what you said?
Discount them and sell them.
Yeah, that's not all I said!
I can't believe those bastards. I said we were great!
I said you could read for hours and no one will bother you.
I said we had 150,000 titles.
I showed them the New York City section.
I said we were a goddamn piazza.
A place in the city where people could mingle and mix.
Piazza?
I was eloquent!
Shit!
It's inevitable, I guess.
People want to turn her into Joan of Arc.
And you into Attila the Hun.
Not me personally, but the company, yeah.
I have met Joe Fox.
And I've heard him compare his store to a Price Club...
...and the books in it to cans of olive oil.
The bookstore, tell us about it.
The Shop Around The Corner...
...has a kind of Jeffersonian purity to it...
...that the city needs in order to maintain historical integrity.
Jeffersonian purity.
That was nice. Thank you. That sounded good.
Are you taping this?
Yeah, I'm taping this.
Technologically speaking, the world's out of hand.
I mean, take the VCR.
The whole idea behind the VCR is that it makes it possible...
...for you to tape what's on television...
...when you leave the house.
Of course, the whole idea behind leaving the house...
...is so you can miss...
...what's on television.
- I've heard you say that before. - She hasn't.
Absolutely.
Right.
She gets it.
Radio. There's a medium I can get behind.
Are you going to start collecting radios--
We're on television.
You're good at it.
She's coming on to you.
No. They do this on television.
The Shop Around The Corner...
...it's a true New York treasure.
As are you.
Honestly, I'd love to have you back.
Is she sweating?
She's touching herself. And she's sweating.
Anytime.
Okay, we can turn it off.
Oh, my God.
Ijust want to say that yours is the only show I do watch.
Oh, my God.
No! I was being polite.
Thank you, Frank Navasky.
Thank you're...? I'm sorry.
Thank you're?
Thank you're, ladies and gentlemen.
I slobbered all over her, didn't l?
But I think that there's something there.
So first, I got to go get some eucalyptus candles...
...because it makes...
...my apartment smell mossy.
Then I'm going to the market.
And I can't decide whether to get...
...sausage for the meat sauce, or chopped meat.
Spare us.
You know what? Clam sauce.
Because this is a big date.
Don't tell me.
Not the slightest difference?